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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Whats Love Got To Do With It

Ah yes I hear tina turner now can see her dancing and singing memories back to the mid-80's were the 80's really that long ago??? wow Anyhow, just some scattered things prompting this post today. I am very thrilled right now because I just came back from viewing my aussie friend Gypsy's page and she is going to recieve govt paid treatment for a chronic disease she has battled!!! Gypsy always faces things with such vim and vigor,just had to share and i know many of you also know her. I just got back from my dr visit. My blood pressure was 134/86 which is amazing for me lol and i lost 12 pounds over the last 4 months!!! I guess learing to drop pop and drink water really does make a difference!!! :)

Ok, so love, what does it have to do with it?? Everything i think. If you were to categorize the theme of all songs ever written i would lay big money that love is the theme that would be the most prevalent. Our most basic of all needs we have as people, and even the animals, is to love and be loved. In writing my last few posts in story form as i have i have been rewinding various life events in my mind. The presence or absence of love, even if it is perceived as such, can play such a huge role in dealing with living life. I have more posts coming up carrying on my narrative story, but just had to make a post about my own experiences with realizing the essence of love. For varying reasons I have had a nearly lifelong struggle with feeling as though I somehow was unworthy of love. This may be due to a trillion reasons and none are reflected back on my family or environment growing up. I know a great many people also deal with this inner sensing that remains despite all logic and facts or exclamations to the contrary. It can be like a nagging ache that just somehow never seems to go away, even if it can be ignored or covered over for periods of time.

The tough part is a combination of knowing God is love and that people do love. But,the inner voice makes a compelling case that I somehow am disqualified from recieving God's love and the love of other people. This ends up becoming a nightmare snowball down a mountain that just rolls and rolls getting bigger and bigger because if i can't recieve God's love that really messes up taking in the love of people and if they don't see me taking in and accepting their love then as a reflex they may not reach out and extend love and so the inner voice rears its vile head and whispers, *see??? told you you were disqualified*

That little explanation illustrates a dynamic i have fought as long as i know. The cool thing is, by reading and interacting on here, by seeing the many ways so many have faced and overcome such incredible odds and dire circumstances, I have been able to take in love like a plant exposed to sunlight or getting water. God can seem so beyond comprehension at times, so distant and silent. Yet, He shows up in people over and over again. He shows up in shazzie and ben, an unbelievable story of terror,recovery and love you need to check out, she blogs at dare to dream. So many people i could name and so often without even consciously being aware of it, they help me to recieve love and to share it. It is a huge rush to stop and think how many people there are alive and how we all can find ways to connect to each other and share love in so many ways.

Sometimes words do not get expressed the clearest when shared right from the heart. I hope these words of mine are clear. I have struggled to realize I am loved throughout living, but over and over again He reminds me and He has always provided touches in varying ways to show me. Today i just really am thankful one of those most important ways is through all of you out there!!!!! Love has got everything to do with it!!!!

Give me love give me life give me YOU!!!!

3 Comments:

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Cinder-Single said...

OMGOSH!!! You are so right!!
In order to love You must first know G-D, HE IS LOVE!!

Everything else falls into place!!

words don't get expressed because we are not sure how the other won will accept it! or will they NOT... And just drive a wedge!

I really do like this post!!!

Shalom!

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger Gypsy said...

First of all Bobby Bear, thankyou so much for your kind wishes on my good news. I know there are no guarantees but there is a lot of hope in my heart that this treatment will work for me.

It's hard for me to believe that someone as loving and giving as you could ever feel unworthy of being loved in return. You are a good and generous man and anyone would be lucky to be in your life. I mean that sincerely :)

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Robert said...

cinder- hey cute lady thank you so much!! God is love so yes so much easier for all to fall into place once that truth is swallowed and rooted solid in us :)

gypsy dear friend- I have the hope along with you this new treatment helps you as your wanting it too!!!! It is a mixed bag of reasons why I have thought/felt this rejection from love, so much has to do with my own inward responses to emotional pain,conflict and perceived hurts. It is just so wonderful to come across such incredible people like you and so many more who remind me that love is always present,sometimes just hidden by our own blinders. I know you always speak from your heart and it's another reason your such a special mate!!!!

 

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