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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Unchanging Love

I have been writing a lil series of posts detailing my life experiences in narrative form. I have found it fulfilling the way it allows me to see events from a fresher perspective as well as the goodness of insights shared by those who comment. I have struggled for a majority of my life to overcome a negative self-image. Many reasons exist as to why this is. I don't think any one field of study can ever fully grasp the explanations as to why this happens and why it can be so embedded inside for so long. The effects of environment,genetics,our own free-will,circumstances and Gods providence all come together along with other influences to create our self-image,be it good or bad.

I think our consciences can both work for us or against us in how we see ourselves. It amazes me to see how different so many people are in how they handle their conscience,be they believers or not. Authority figures can play a very foundational role in the forming of our conscience and how we integrate it in our living life Some can feel overwhelming guilt over a tiny fault while others can seem to be innocent as can be even after a heinous act. From all appearances it can seem God takes no action or involvement with people and the living of their lives, but of course, none of us can see inside anyones heart,mind,soul and spirit. Visible or invisible,that is the question.

We are all born into this world the same way. It is a fallen world and we adopt the sinful nature by virtue of being descendants of adam and eve. Given time our basic selfishness will reveal itself. We want what we want when we want it and we want it right now!!!! That you learn in all Psych 100 classes, but just observing children can tell you that on its own. If you read the story of adam and eve in the book of Genesis you will see the dramatic effects sin had upon them and how they related to God. Guilt,shame and a need to cover up and hide filled their souls when God spoke to them after their disobedience. I think how they reacted was a blueprint to show us how each one of us would react to God once we became self-aware. We know the difference between good and evil and thus we sense the stare of God upon us anytime we commit a misdeed.

Jesus is the Answer to this dilemma. Once we join ourselves to Him, God sees Jesus in front of us whenever He looks at us. Of absolute importance is that we internalize this as TRUTH as opposed to a very nice theological idea we can all agree with and be happy about. Jesus removes the guilt and shame of ALL OUR SINS!!! Past,present and FUTURE!!! Also, He removes then no matter what they are pride,anger,sexual misconduct,drunkenness,unbelief, All sins are blotted out and God sees them no more and has no emotional memory towards of us them either!!! Isnt that amazing????

I utilized the caps as a way of preaching to myself there!!!! I need to take and actualize this reality always, because i too often let myself fall prey to my guilt and shame over the past. i was prompted to write this post after reading words of a friend. I need to hold onto the truth that God is unchanging love regardless of my behavior and He will always be so and reach out to me to help me overcome the bondage that guilt and shame can place me in. I want this to be a heartfelt post and not just one where I am on a soapbox. I have many posts where I speak of the travails of feeling like I let God down because of certain behaviors,especially due to my seeking to serve as a leader and being an ordained minister. I just feel an extra weight at times because of the expectations I see in Scripture and ones i have for myself. I have found a great many people out here in blogland who have been so loving,caring,gracious and encouraging not to mention challenging and fun!!!! Risking openness is sooooooo scary, but once you do it and you realize people do not run screaming from you as if you were a monster and that a lighning bolt did not strike you dead, well then you become more free inside and the guilt and shame lessen. A caveat is that sadly the battle may last a lifetime and often happen many times a day. The good news is that everytime you face it, His unchanging love as well as the grace expressed thru people can lighten your spirit again and again!!!

I love being able to reach out and share myself with a vast network of people in blogland!!!!We all really are so uniquely gifted and special in our own ways!!!!

3 Comments:

At 12:59 PM, Blogger OneDaisy said...

Thank you.

 
At 1:59 PM, Blogger Jo said...

Your posts always get me into such a thoughtful place, Robert. I'm glad you've found catharsis in being so open & honest.

I tend to think our sense of conscience is as good as we make it, and something we need to develop & reassess no differently than our values.

Guilt is tricky. I've known a few people for whom I would say guilt is actually a form of selfishness--they suffer it so intensely, it keeps them self-absorbed & they never do anything about it except feel badly.

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Robert said...

nettie- right back atcha!!!

jo- thank you I do get a catharsis that's for sure You have some very good insights about conscience I think, we really do have alot of influence upon it and its working. I really am intrigued by what you said about guilt, that just sounds so crazy but can become a trap in its own I love hearing you get thoughtful jo!!!

 

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