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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, October 09, 2008

What's Going On

I love Motown and Marvin Gaye. His song really hits home so often. Dana at awareness posted on faith today and it is quite a remarkable bit of writing in the way she lays out challenges to the absolute,fundamental,traditional views that get lumped together and declared Christianity. Barbara linked to dana's post and said she resounded with almost every word. I can ditto those sentiments and I am sure many of you can as well.

The idea of God's expectation for us. He wants us to be holy because He is holy, but He knows we are caught in a sin matrix and we cannot achieve that even one iota apart from Jesus. My deepest longing is to be like Jesus in how I live life, actions,attitudes and feelings. Of course the thing is even though i have this deepest desire i still choose my own way and committing actions and thinking thoughts that are in total opposition to His will and holiness. I googled *struggling to obey God* the other night. The top sites that came up were all ones that claimed you were bad and maybe in danger of being *left behind* if you did not get your act together and immerse yourself in total obedience to God. That is the itch that keeps hitting me as I seek to pursue the upward call as I carry on. The calvinist ideal of Gods character and purpose seems to be one where He cares mostly about His holiness and how it cannot be breached as opposed to reaching down in love and grace to His creation, even if we are ones who have believed in Jesus but still struggle.

I go back to my fear of death. I originally had it i think because of seeing my father die and I am a hyper sensitive emotional person and a very vivid imagination. When death comes to mind, my imagination runs the gamut of all the torturous ways that it can happen. My emotions react to those thoughts of course. Then i squirm inside myself because I feel I should have no fear to begin with. I should have total faith and confidence in Jesus overcoming death and feel total victory and peace. Well, what about if i somehow have not been as good and a faithful a servant as im called to be??? What if there is something, sonehow that messes me up and my spiritual condition??? You see the merrygoround my insides go on here dealing with this??

Jesus said as His last statement on the cross- *It is Finished* I want to wonder all the ramifications of that statement. I often say i love how Jesus left much ambiguity in His words. So many want to say He could not leave ambiguity, everything needs to be nailed down solid and made to be understood and carried out. My coming to understand preterism has helped me in dealing with these questions and issues a good deal. Still so much more to go though. Go read dana's post I hope alot more discussion about faith and how its played out happens on soooooooooooo many blogs, even those who do not place themselves under the christian banner so to speak. Love to hear from any and all always!!!!

2 Comments:

At 8:34 AM, Blogger Becky said...

Then i squirm inside myself because I feel I should have no fear to begin with.

Now here we could have a discussion?
Why do you think you should have no fear...not the biblical answer but why do you think?

Oh and Thanks Robert for being someone in my life I CAN have these discussions with....

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger Awareness said...

Robert, you're a dear person.

Want to know something funny? I was sitting in an airport waiting to board a flight last week and most of the questions came flying out of me.....bada boom! I think it was a culmination of thoughts coming forward.....my reading, our blogs, the struggles i see and feel of my friends through the blogworld.

One of the wonderful "side effects" of blogging personally has been a much wider awareness of other's struggles with their faith and how it manifests......the fears, the convictions, the dreams and hopes. If it werent for blogging, I don't know if I would be as cognizant of others who are questioning (or not) the biggie questions. Sometimes when we don't verbalize our thoughts, we can feel very alone in our journey can't we?

Thank you for sending people my way......I really appreciate it. And, I'm glad the piece resonated with you.

dana

 

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