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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, January 27, 2007

He has shown thee

i love singing this Scripture!!! what is good and what the Lord desires of thee....... but to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God!!!!!! The Good news is encapsulated in this verse spelling out Gods heart for us to walk with Him of course the grace and forgiveness we have in Jesus must be ultimately added into the mix.

I am humbled by this verse and just by contemplating the awesomeness of God period. He lives in dazzling light He alone being Almighty God pure perfection absolute power might justice and perfect love. He has displayed His character in His creation and in His Word declaring His goodness by His mercy and love as He showed to the Israelites. Ultimately demonstrating His incomparable love in Jesus. yet, i struggle to trust Him, to worship Him, to love Him, to be still and know He is God. When I sit and read His Word i so readily see Him at work and sense His Presence and His absolute control over all that exists, but when i look at myself or certain circumstances which involve pain,hurt and other aspects of suffering I feel that doubt and troubling sense of anxiety creep in and cloud my clarity on focusing on Him.

God never changes in His nature, His character. O AMEN FOR THAT!!!! i soooooooooooooooo wish i could be and do the same!!!!! i want to be a witness and disciple showing Him in my life in all aspects and yet I also let the lust of the eyes lust of the flesh boastful pride of life enter in and lure me to whatever enticements that exist there. The lure i think that was the whole point of the Wizard of Oz.... dorothy lost her contentment with her life and sought adventure only to ultimately discover there's no place like home. Isn't that what happened to adam and eve??? They had paradise perfect relationship with God............ and they sought excitement in something else!!!!! DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello mcfly!!!!!! Those who fail to leaen from history are doomed to repeat it. How prophetic are those words. Sex seems to be that lure throughout history, especially here in our culture. So much of advertising is based on sexual enticement paris hilton washing a car in a bikini to sell cheeseburgers???? PUHLEESEEE!!!!!!!!! ok sidebar done sex offers excitement passion pleasure an escape from the humdrum life often becomes a way to flee frustration pain hurt heartache boredom duty you name it. No wonder it has been around as one of the ultimate tempters for so long!!!

i sought in my last post to share personally on my struggle with sex and wanting to treat it as God intended. I think being able to be open and vulnerable removes the stigma and shame which i think all too often has kept believers paralyzed in a sticky web of slipping sliding and being stuck in a black hole where it feels like no one can reach in and help pull us out. Life can be hard, and no amount of jole osteens and zig ziglars pushing positive attitude and being upbeat and joyful can change that. The Holy Spirit is NOT just another way to escape and get a *high* or adrenaline rush. Jesus never preached a 3 point sermon on follow these keys to a successful happy life.

I have been struck many times by how pain and suffering are par for the course in life as God demonstrates in His Word. Almost all the books and magazines and theses and whatnot written on the subject focus on why it happens and how to overcome it but NOT moving IN to it embracing it desiring it. i am especially cognizant of this because of my lifelong pursuit to avoid or escape pain and suffering as best i could. Somehow thinking God would appreciate my cleverness as i dodged all the missiles coming at me or close by. Funny how Jesus said blessed are those who suffer for His Name. HUH??? Paul said he wanted to share in Jesus sufferings so he could also share in His joy. His joy????/ In suffering????/ i think back to all my time in church and ministries hard to recall many who were chomping at the bit to GO SUFFER!!!! i am not saying this as a diatribe just as an observation. Totally preaching to the choir here folks!!!!!

i want to learn from God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit how to share in Jesus sufferings how to praise Him and rest in Him whenever they occur and to move into my pain when it happens and when i sense God using His chisel on me. Barbara, who God uses as a very wonderful vessel to show His grace at work, has helped me to realize the need to surrender my fear and trepidation ever more clearly as i see her taking steps to do this very thing. pain causes us to share ourselves in ways that just do not happen any other way. It is the leveler helping us all to discover a common ground no matter our differences pain touches us all and makes us all basically on the same plane. helps us all to be able to be humbled and realize One is there who CAN handle all of it all of us all at once all the time!!!!!!!

Instead of wondering WHY God????? i want to wonder God why did You choose to suffer and die for me????? That change in focus causes a glimmer of heaven to break loose inside me like i cannot even express!!!! Teach me God!!!!! Do what You need to do so i can realize and know You in the most intimate way possible!!!!!! help me when i go back to my stubborn ways and my fear to be able to pray and offer up to You my hope and desire to let You transform me as only You can including using pain and suffering AMEN


At 5:18 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

Just got through reading this post and the post before. Both touched me deeply. Two of the things that bring us closest to God is grief and worship...we can't be walking around like we have it all together, when we absolutely DO NOT!...Old demons have come to tempt and I've fallen in some...I completely understand the struggle. Thank you for communicating God's LOVE so deeply!


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