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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, January 25, 2007

sex is sacred

I wonder what kind of visitors i will get on search engines from THIS title??? Been meaning to talk on this for quite sometime, I think i now have some clear thoughts. Out of all the hot button issues that exist in life i think consensus would declare SEX to be numer uno!!! I often wonder if it is as big a mess in third world countries as it has been here in usa and uk. God laid the ground ruels concerning sex to adam and eve as well as their children very early. man and woman shall become one flesh joined together in marriage. The animal kingdom??? oh hey smorgasbord time all you can eat!!! have as much as you want no limits!!! Funny how it seems alot of us would like to be animals when it comes to sex. This is hard to talk about in an open manner not sure how much to share not wanting my humor to be taken the wrong way not wanting to be rejected or dismissed for mistakes made especially in such a heat4ed emotional area. I commend many people who have been bravely willing to tackle this and divulge their own personal struggles, as ted haggard has shown, there are a multitude of people men AND women who struggle with sex in their lives. i wanted to address just why that is from my own personal experience.

I first am very glad that my mom and sister, who read this blog, know and love me with all my struggles i have faced over the years, which allows me to be open and honest here in sharing. I was very naive and innocent until becoming a teen concerning sex. My mom kids me because she was a school nurse and showd me and my sister a fil about having babies and sex ed when i was like 10 and I didn't believe that babies actually came out as they really do. I did have older teens on my block growing up in jersey who filled my mind with wild stories of spanish fly (whatever that was) and other stuff just fuel to fantasy. As i have noted before, when i moved to california at 12 I feveloped a severe case of acne so much for any flirting and romantic involvement with females!!!! Only attention i recieved from girls was to have them laugh or look away or to be felt sorry for because of being unattractive. Just because one is unattractive outwardly does not mean the same desires amd impulses are not just as strong and active as the most attractive .

We all have a great need for physical contact touch a famous research study show3d baby monkeys who are kept from physical contact with their mothers begin to die. Maslows famous hierarchy of needs has this as one of the MOST basic. if this does not happen for whatever reason, a way will be found to compensate. I know for me, amd a host of others who struggle with sex or/and love addiction substituting fantasy becomes a coping mechanism for not being able to have the real thing. of course, having the real thing is not meantto be like the animals or hugh hefners way but fantasy ends up being a dysfunctional means of getting somethin gwe feel we have been wrongly exonerated from. I know this is old ground i just need to say it aloud for my own self to express where I came from and how it sprung up.

Loneliness, lack of affection,inability to develop romantic attachments play a HUGE role in fueling addiction. I wonder how many affairs would happen if the couple were not experiencing deep feelings of this nature for whatever reason. The entire porn industry bases its existence on the LACK of intimacy people feel wanting to give a cheap fix something to take the pain away for that hour or 2 only for it to just intensify the hunger to have that desire met... which leads to wathing more porn which leads to more need and o nand on

God knows the whole makeup of ourselves he created us!!!! Sewx is sacrd because it is meant to satisfy that deepest need for intimacy and belonging and acceptance we cherish in our inmost selves. Looking at a porn may seem fairly harmless the first time, but if it fuels a hunger which is not being filled the way God intended oh it leads to a rocky road like a tidal wave which grows bigger and more massive as it keeps going. None of us want to hurt each other in acting out our addiction. The denail rationalizations and self delusion are of gigantic proportions much like the alcoholic or drug user seeking a fix we will find a way. satan sure has made it easier to get our fix as well anonymity is the oxygen of sex addiction the shadows allowing us to engage and stay hidden at least to a certain degree.

I wanted this to be persoanl. i am sorry if i have digressed into talking generally about facts youall are familiar with. i guess it is very hard to be personal about something like this. Especially when you fear offending or pushing away people you have made a connection with if only a small one via comments or just sharing parts of ourselves. i guess i have been moved by some posts by others out here in blogland mostly women. i wanted to share as a man. As a christian. As a minister. To share because i am nornal, not some weird freak lurking in the dark unable to handle my sexual urges. I live life fairly normally, and seek to serve the Lord with all my heart as i am able. yet, i face these challenges. Everyday. I know many more do as well, some have not even admitted it to themselves. I hope in some small way by my open sharing to reach someone who has walked in my shoes, or who needs to know they are not alone and that God has a hitman ready to kill them for their horrible sin. Because seriously, i think sexual sin feels that way internally to any who have committed it. We feel as though we have leprosy, and are tainted forever unclean. The silence which has existed way too long within the Church as a whole has served to foster this dilemma im afraid. Oh the grace and freedom to experience if all who struggled with their sexuality could share with each other!!!!

i hope this will come across in the way i intended, as an encouragement and a means of sharing. I pray God will continully transform me inwardly so i can be used to minister to all who share these struggles abd to recieve grace and acceptance from those who don't. Thank you Almighty God for Your perfect love grace and forgiveness!!!!!


At 9:55 PM, Anonymous BarBarA said...

I thank you. Thank you for being willing to share something so personal, I have no doubt many people will be able to relate to what you've talked about here. I know I can. I believe that sex is the most powerful force out there. I have written my own history in a story but doubt I will ever have the guts to share it publicly.

We all have different issues that we deal with - but we all have the same basic human need for love, affection, affirmation, validation. Sadly if we don't get those needs met in healthy ways we end up doing things that hurt us.

Great post.

At 4:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christians and other religious people make sex a mess. It really isn't as big a deal as you make it out to be. Just enjoy it. Be safe. Be nice.

The porn star, Ron Jeremy, said porn is just entertainment, nothing more, nothing less.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger bjk said...

This was a great post.....your vulnerability in sharing is....admirable and followable. Thanks

At 3:25 PM, Blogger wilsonian said...

I appreciate your openness too. But I disagree on one point you make: "Sew is sacred because it is meant to satisfy that deepest need for intimacy and belonging and acceptance we cherish in our inmost selves."

I believe that only God can satisfy that deepest need for intimacy. If we are looking for fulfillment in another person... we will be disappointed.

Thank you for this post.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger Robert said...

erin- thanks so much for your words. i agree with you, I did not complete my thought fully there.I do think sex is designed to fulfill our relational needs as humans BUT as you said only God can provide the lasting fulfillment we need which cannot be provided by anyone BUT Him!!!

barbara- you know how much you inspire me. Your openness has challenged me to be more so. I am so glad God helped us find each other and form our friendship!!

bjk- thank you. You are a constant encourager to me everytime i visit your place so glad to be on the journey with you.

porn student- have to disagree with you philosophically. Sex really is a big deal, if we could keep it in its proper place as God intended i think we would be amazed. This includes all of us christian atheist whatever. thanks for stopping by.

At 8:05 PM, Anonymous BarBarA said...


At 2:56 PM, Blogger Missy said...

First, I want to say that Ron Jeremy is a man I would not gather wisdom-quotes from. I think he would certainly agree.

Robert, I have not got a chance to come back for a visit due to work. Sorry. In the meantime, you have brought up some pretty serious items, huh? I appreciate your openness - esp. when you know the odds are 50/50 that the one reading this is a woman. But we get it, too.

God designed sex. I am of the opinion that it is not as important or sacred as we think it is, but it does serve the purpose of drawing a man and a woman closer and creating life. To make it work, desire is a necessary ingredient. But just like overeating or abusing drugs, amassing stuff, being pharisitical (on and on) it is something we use to fill an emptiness that only God can fill. It feels good, but we always get "thirsty" again.

Keep turning to God when you feel empty - it's hard for me to do sometimes especially when it relies on my faith (of which I am weak!) to "feel" full again.

Sorry for all the words, but that's my thought! God Bless.


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