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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, May 12, 2008

Ordinary People

Excellent movie!!!! I loved the acting and direction by Robert Redford. Movies are larger than life to me. When made well, they touch us so deeply. They have a way to reach inside us and cause us to experience an emotional cavalcade for close to 2 hours. I love when a packed theater are all completely engrossed in the movie and at key moments everyone screams, laughs,cries or shouts in response to what is happening on screen. We relate to the characters, the storyline, the music and mood taking place as we watch.

I was very moved by the main character in that movie. A young man in therapy, his life an emotional nightmare because of his brother dying in a boating accident, and he survived. He also had to deal with the reality that his parents never overcame the loss of the son who died and were never able to connect to him in a normal. loving way again. Hopefully most of you have seen this movie, it came out in 1980. I found myself feeling pangs of ache like the guy in the movie. My dad died of cancer when he was 30. He fought the cancer on and off since he was like 19. he never let on just how sick he was, probably thinking it would be to huge a burden for an 8 year old and a 5 year old to take in. For the longest time I had an impending worry that I would die before i turned 30. It was not rational in any way shape or form, but it was in my head. Maybe it was a means to identify with my dad, to seek to connect with the stories i heard of his courage and strength and ability to face and handle his pain and mortality.

I started this post with one idea in mind but now seem to be on a different track. I have poured out my heart on here ever since i started this blog in 2005, sharing my struggle with fear. I have had the struggle as lon gas i can recall, even before my dad passed away. Was God there??? Would He protect me??? Did He love me and care about me??? Was I one He would love and care about??? Even as a lil kid i think these basic questions swirled deep inside me. Are they not the deep questions we all deal with no matter what age we are??? I beat myself up constantly over my having fear and letting it disturb my living. The more I look around i see so many with much of the same wonderings and struggle. Some seem to have a gift for overcoming fear. Others face it headon and seek courage to beat it down.

Ordinary people. All of us pretty much are, though in so many ways we achieve extraordinary accomplishments as we live out our lives. So very complex. We can have such a strength within in so many ways. Yet a few things can completely throw us out of whack. Some can hide things well, others cannot at all. Ultimately we all have to acknowledge faith is needed to live. What exactly that faith might be, ah well that differs on a grand scale from person to person. Reality is none of us have irrefutable certainty of knowledge. We do have evidences though. Evidences of where faith is best placed. Still, those lingering doubts or wonderings persist, and becomes even more maddening when our experiences happen that in alot of ways contradict what we have sought to place our faith in. God is not safe, but He is good. A truth that makes our placing of faith in Him a wise choice. The cross, resurrection. Very good evidences for placing faith.


At 6:17 AM, Blogger OneDaisy said...

And once again you get me thinking. I have struggled with my faith, I believe but have been angry for a number of years. I was strong in faith years ago. Went to church 2 - 3 times a week, read my bible every day, listened to christian music, prayed. And yet life got more difficult. Not that belief in God brings ultimate peace on earth, I know that. I really have to work hard on letting go of my anger towards God. Typical? My father wanted nothing to do with my faith years ago, now he's strong in his walk with the Lord and we can't have a conversation with him without the Bible being brought in to our discussion. When he does it, I get pissed. I guess I'm still a defiant little girl! Thanks for the great post.

At 6:31 PM, Blogger Robert said...

hey nettie!!! I relate so much to what you shared. I think i buried alot of anger because i just do not like to be angry, but some things evoke that response. I think the Psalms really are great ways to let go of our pent up emotions and realize God wants us to vent and let them out after all He is GOD!!! lol I know what you mean about being defiant as well, we all have that stubborn lil kid in us thanks so much for sharing nettie!!

At 4:26 AM, Blogger Shaz said...

MY Faith is running strong....
I am cured my friend and Praise God.
he got me through all that treatment i am well on my way to perfect health xx

At 1:29 AM, Blogger Jo said...

I haven't seen the movie but I do love Robert Redford...he has an earthy solidity that always makes me sigh.

You write so earnestly, Robert. I like your honesty about questioning & fear.

Some of the best things in life we can't touch or package up neatly--love, courage, faith. To me, faith is a fuel. People will continue to question the merits of what others believe, which is intelligent to a point, but when the sole basis for rejecting a belief is a lack of tangible proof, I think they're missing the point--the faith that fuels a person to confront & overcome the hardships & conflicts we all face in life, to endure the sorrows with laughter & hope...that is its value.

Individuals have changed the course of their own lives & humanity's progress from the same durable substance.

It seems to me that as you continue to question & struggle, you've also found answers along the way :)

At 4:50 AM, Blogger Gypsy said...

Way to go Shazzie...are you as chuffed about Shazzie's news as I am Bobby Bear? I know you will be.

I actually wanted to stop by so you can see that I am fine and not to worry. Thanks for your sweet email the other day, I was very touched.

At 7:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think about a lot of the things that you were questioning.. I want to know if Yeshua loves me sometimes.. and How can He love me, when most ( a lot) of the time I do not stand in obedience...

Tho I am an ordinary person, Yeshua has nothing Ordinary about him.. I cried reading this, because there is a lot of familiars in here. If I did not have my Faith in HIM, Where would I be? How would my life end up? I think about this... When I come to your page and read, It is like what I have been thinking on, you are writing on! Talk about Divine appointments!!!

Thanks, I am so blog rolling you!!!
Shauva Tov!!!
Shalom & Ahava


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