Ordinary People

Excellent movie!!!! I loved the acting and direction by Robert Redford. Movies are larger than life to me. When made well, they touch us so deeply. They have a way to reach inside us and cause us to experience an emotional cavalcade for close to 2 hours. I love when a packed theater are all completely engrossed in the movie and at key moments everyone screams, laughs,cries or shouts in response to what is happening on screen. We relate to the characters, the storyline, the music and mood taking place as we watch.

I was very moved by the main character in that movie. A young man in therapy, his life an emotional nightmare because of his brother dying in a boating accident, and he survived. He also had to deal with the reality that his parents never overcame the loss of the son who died and were never able to connect to him in a normal. loving way again. Hopefully most of you have seen this movie, it came out in 1980. I found myself feeling pangs of ache like the guy in the movie. My dad died of cancer when he was 30. He fought the cancer on and off since he was like 19. he never let on just how sick he was, probably thinking it would be to huge a burden for an 8 year old and a 5 year old to take in. For the longest time I had an impending worry that I would die before i turned 30. It was not rational in any way shape or form, but it was in my head. Maybe it was a means to identify with my dad, to seek to connect with the stories i heard of his courage and strength and ability to face and handle his pain and mortality.

I started this post with one idea in mind but now seem to be on a different track. I have poured out my heart on here ever since i started this blog in 2005, sharing my struggle with fear. I have had the struggle as lon gas i can recall, even before my dad passed away. Was God there??? Would He protect me??? Did He love me and care about me??? Was I one He would love and care about??? Even as a lil kid i think these basic questions swirled deep inside me. Are they not the deep questions we all deal with no matter what age we are??? I beat myself up constantly over my having fear and letting it disturb my living. The more I look around i see so many with much of the same wonderings and struggle. Some seem to have a gift for overcoming fear. Others face it headon and seek courage to beat it down.

Ordinary people. All of us pretty much are, though in so many ways we achieve extraordinary accomplishments as we live out our lives. So very complex. We can have such a strength within in so many ways. Yet a few things can completely throw us out of whack. Some can hide things well, others cannot at all. Ultimately we all have to acknowledge faith is needed to live. What exactly that faith might be, ah well that differs on a grand scale from person to person. Reality is none of us have irrefutable certainty of knowledge. We do have evidences though. Evidences of where faith is best placed. Still, those lingering doubts or wonderings persist, and becomes even more maddening when our experiences happen that in alot of ways contradict what we have sought to place our faith in. God is not safe, but He is good. A truth that makes our placing of faith in Him a wise choice. The cross, resurrection. Very good evidences for placing faith.