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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, November 24, 2005

The Greatest Commandment

Love the Lord Thy God with all your mind,all your heart.all your strengthand all your soul. That sums up the entire Law and the prophets. What a simple thing I mean how obvious right???? Love God......like DUH...... but it isnt quite so simple and it gnaws at me to reflect inside myself how much I really fail at this single most profound yet clear as a bell truth. I echo the words over and over in my heart and mind love God love Him with everything.... love Him in every possible way imaginable love Him and just be like the energizer bunny keep loving and loving and loving.................

Man it hurts to realize how far I am from even coming close in any way shape or form to obeying this command....... it slowly very slowly dawns on me that I in my self am useless to EVER come close Doesnt matter how far into being a "christian" I go..... without Jesus power apart from the Holy Spirits work within me..... Ill just be on a downward spiral realizing my utter ineptitude to achieve this absolute most basic commitment of one who is a follower of Christ..........Lord God give me Your wisdom mercy love and grace to be able to see with my eyes, hear with my ears and respond with my heart...... work Your will in me so I will love and obey You with Jesus living in me and the Spirit guiding me All my efforts are worthless dung apart from You Holy God...... have mercy on me a sinner help me to be humble and know YOU ARE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

really trusting God

I still cant believe how well my angioplasty went!!! It was totally painless and over in minutes!!! God really helped me to have a calmness the whole time as well something I seldom have when dealing with issues of my health. I have really been seeking to have a much bottom-line means of trusting God this past year.....getting what I accept wholeheartedly with my mind and will to be fully expressed at my heart-level its so strange how I can meditate on verses, sing songs and seek to practice His presence daily and still feel like I have so much fear and pain inside which I dont want I want it to be removed,discarded,abolished but it seems to linger somehow.

I have read a few books lately that are very challenging in this whole area. I really want to be more articulate in relating my journey to deepen my ability and my actual practice of trusting God for some reason i feel like Im stunted in letting my words flow forth from my fingertips with the stunning aplomb and verbosity of one who aspires to heights of erudition and perspicacity that can render my postulations with enigmatic hubris!!!! OK I am ready to slap my typist for that shameful display now. Hope to share more once I get my own computer back Hope you enjoy reading whoever may come across this lil domain.