Lets Get Physical
O Olivia Newton- John wherefore art thou??? lol Just a lil tease heading to catch the eye. Barbara posted a very thoght-provoking post about physical appearance and the way we are judged and treated based upon it. This subject obviously resonated with many as she recieved a great many comments and emails. I posted on this a few months ago, just felt impelled to make another treatise seeing the interest so many have shown. First off I definitely agree and believe females face a much harsher and vicious treatment from society as a whole in regards to their looks. Advertising,movies,tv,models clothing styles the list is endless. Females are far more intensely scrutinized than us males. However, us males DO recieve our fair share of derision and rejection based upon our appearance.
I was a prototype of a Hitler youth as a lil kid for real blonde hair blue eyes although i had curly blonde hair lol I was always tall for my age and clumsy always had muscular upper body and thin bottom torso. I have flat feet and cant jump very well and i think possibly my run is affected, I waddle when i run o well not that big a deal. I have talked more pointedly about when i developed severe acne that lasted for 3 years no need to elaborate further there. I had to see a counselor while in seminary, we had a decent rapport. I applied for a job as a counselor to a group home, and I used him as a reference. I gotr the job, and somehow managed to see the forms my references filled out. On his form he made very disparaging remarks about my physical appearance!! This felt like a knife because he was the one I shared all my feelings and hurts with over how i had been rejected because of it. A few occasions I went to meet girls I had met on the phone or via a dating service, one met me in a parking lot at a mini mall told me she had to go to her car after talking for a few minutes and never returned. I called her to ask what happened she promptly said she bailed on me because she didnt like my looks. A few others told me they thought i was too heavy and just not attractive enough.
I need to post my pic on here as barbara did hers. i saw a few people say in their comments to her that looks dont matter. Pardon me for feeling like cussing right now. I truly wish they didnt matter. I have had times where it seemed i was viewed as fairly handsome. I had girls show interest in me while i was at jr college, but my inner self was not in tune with the outer self they seemed to see. Its still not. One thing is very scary about showing people your pic the possibility they will show rejection, dislike,disinterest. Especially if they are friends who support you and tell you it makes no difference what you look like but in actuality it turns out that it does matter. I think barbara hit the nail on the head when she shared that posting about this is so tricky. Very touchy issues here, self-esteem,value,acceptance,affection,friendship so many areas that deeply affect our very soul. I feel uncomfortable in another way,men are to be macho,ultra-masculine tall dark strong. I am not in the mold of what a man should be according to the normal standards. I am far too emotionally sensitive, shy around females and just not the personality style men are called to be, at least as far as what makes them attractive to females. Writing this is hard, it feels awkward and uncomfortable but it is a real difficulty I have faced in life. I am as masculine as the next guy and my overall physique bears that out Im a solid rock football player build with a few extra tonnage lol but my insides and my acting my personality out in so many ways differ so widely from that. Im sure growing up around females and having mostly female role models and influences has a lot to do with it. It is also just how Im wired internally.
I just wanted to share some of my experiences in life dealing with reaction to my looks. I hope it makes sense and provides another glimpse and insight into who i am and helps to become more of who I want to be. Thank you for stopping by, all comments desired.