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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, November 14, 2010


That's how i want to express myself raw open baring all. I can see why many take anti-anxiety drugs with all the stress life brings. I know I continually feel as though I'm in a labrynth and paradox all at once. The story is so simple and so easy to follow: God created, man chose to disobey, God gives law which man cannot keep,God becomes flesh and dies to reconcile us back to Himself because His character and nature are Love.

Problem is all kinds of distortion happen to create roadblocks and deadends. I have had so many thoughts swirling in my head, now that I am writing they seem to fragment and float away grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The whole notion of sin repentance and restoration have been running through my mind for awhile. Sin is so much more than simply doing wrong acts. It is attitude,resistance,rebellion. It permeates our very core even when we seek to achieve our highest ability. Atheists pay no mind to this because they don't believe God exists. Thus, no sin to worry about. They do accept the golden rule in regards to morality in most cases i think though. Do they have hidden aching deep in their inmost being wondering if God truly is real and all He claims to be???

I have written about my fears,my struggles,my weaknesses and such on here because I wanted to voice them out loud and also be an encourager to others who experience alot of the same things. Sometimes I feel I let all of it hide God though. God is good all the time, all the time God is good. Why o why have all this fear then?? Why have this endless wrestling match with myself over living in faith and obedience?? God is always here, no matter what i feel or think. But when i can't seem to feel Him or my thinking loses sight of Him, makes it seem as though He has vacated. Is it unbelief if you still hold onto the tiniest of hope even in the midst of feeling terrified and weak??

This may be a lil disjointed because i am scattered a bit right now. God is love but that does not remove pain,suffering and consequences from happening, at any time. He understands a struggle to seek His holiness and righteousness doesn't He?? I ask rhetorically for I do believe He does.

I have a friend who believes there is no forgiveness without repentance. Is this correct??? I know we need a repentance to accept Christ and His salvation He gives. But we all continually sin after turning to Him. So, is repentance ongoing??? Surely we commit acts where we dont repent, like outbursts of anger,pride,selfishness not to mention sins of omission. How does al lthat fit??? Is it covered by His grace and love??

Just thoughts flowing in my head. Ultimately God has final say, and that final say is Love. Help us all to know and realize to the uttermost just how amazing You are O God and to bathe in Your Love.