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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Is It OK to Be Ok??

When I was in jr college, transactional analysis was popular. I even took a class on it. A book dealing with the whole schema of TA was written in mid-70's I believe called *I'm OK- You're OK* Basically TA blends Freudian concepts within its own construct of relational and conversational dynamics to gain insights into our personalities. Parent,Adult and Child replace Superego, Ego and Id. I liked alot of it and different ideas it dealt with.

Does God want us to be OK?? Reformed theology posits God views us all as totally depraved and destined for hell, except if we are one of the *elect* Just how you become an *elect* or how you know you are one is up for grabs, but God is completely sovereign, He does what is right because He IS God, even if it may not seem so to us ignorant mortals who are but mere dust anyway. Yes you will note my bias in my wording. Calvinism is a hard thing for me,especially when I hear preachers,teachers and others make it so it might actually be......true.

God is love. Love requires freedom in order to be love does it not?? If God predestined us to be a certain way then how can that be love ??? Force and choice are 2 huge concepts we face as well. God is able to do anything He wants except....not be God. God never tempts us, as James tells us in his book. God does force our hand though right??? He forces us to choose, amongst various options. Does He want us to be ok?? Does He want us to be conflicted??? I ask this thinking about our old and new nature. Will it be a conflict until we die??? If so, how are we to be ok?? Is repenting an ongoing thing, like confession?? If we are all brutally honest we sin so much all the time, not in behaviors necessarily but in thoughts,attitudes and desires.

I hope to write more on this. Get some to stop by and comment. It is good to write again. As always, feel free to share if you happen by.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Been a longggggggg time since last post. Just lots going on inside my head. The image of who I want to be *in Christ* vs who I see reflecting back in the mirror. Thinking back to my atheist roommate in Bible College- yes a secular school was allowed to live in our dorms. He said i was the best example of a christian he knew. What happened since then??

Does God just want good behavior??? No, He wants good hearts, He wants love. Why then does so much violence happen and seem to go unchecked?? So much pain and agony experienced by so many for so long??? Countries and parts of the world who know nothing of what Americans call *the good life* at all ever??

I had a tragedy occur very recently with a relative taking their own life. They left behind incredible people who will have to deal with this the rest of their lives. Why?? No note left to give any reason, no telling of truly loving his kids so they would at least have that to have toi hold onto when painful memories hit. Why??? I know intellectually and in faith. My emotions though, as for what seems like forever,can't quite get a grip. I want to live in love and just let it flow like a river. I struggle, I waver, i fail. Help O God Please help.