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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Gotta Live It

I hear expressions like my title alot. *walk the talk*, *actions gotta follow the words* *dont mean alot unless you live it* All are very well-meant and essentially true, but the spirit of the comments can get lost in it I think. It is a given we need to carry out our faith by our living, but i think only One Man ever got it right. I just feel like a false standard is being undergirded when those statements are made. Holiness is what we are called to, humility and service as well. I just think of the emphasis made upon living out what we believe and all that entails. It can't mean to be flawless and totally perfect in every moral way, but that idea seems to permeate for me for some reason.

Living it means to be brutally honest, even when we feel like we have nothing to give or be at the moment. It means to live it regardless how you think or feel, and have hope you will be who you committed to be in coming to God through Christ. Living it does NOT mean we are just k= like Jesus in our living because we are fallible humans, not God in flesh!!! Exhortation is needed when we are stuck or in a position of falling back. Always with grace as seasoning though. Wish I had more words come to me now to express my thoughts more. Mainly i just want to realize that we all will have highs and lows in the living out our faith journey and sometimes those who do not share our faith may judge or question us, we can rest knowing our ultimate Judge sees us in love and will lead us through even in times of hypocrisy and failure.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Safe Risk

Wouldn't that be lightning in a bottle??? LOL A true oxymoron, for the very act of risk removes safe from the equation. Well, totally safe anyhow. The desire for absolute certainty is something I wish were true. Of course, no need for faith if that were to be true, at least a certain aspect of faith. We all have alot of common things in life we go through and must deal with. Death is one of them. I find it so incredible that alot of people can just be so content about death and not it let bother them in the least Why can't i be like that??? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR lol

I try to make logical sense of death in a biblical way but the aspects of it that are not logical drive me crazy!!! Death happens to us all, Jesus removed the sting of death and promises He will never leave us and death cannot separate us from Him EVER!!! BUT...... see always the dumb buts!!!! What if my faith is too weak?? What if death happens anytime anywhere and i am not ready for it??? My whole way of trying to control death and my handling it is neurotic in that of course it can happen anytime ,anywhere. Sudden deaths happen all the time. I have a high risk in that i have diabetes, high blood pressure as well as congestive heart failure. Thankfully God has helped me to not spend every waking moment worried about dying. Though in my bad moments it seems that way LOl

God does not give lofty explanations of why He does things or chooses people for things. He didn't to abraham, to moses, to elijah. He merely acts because HE IS GOD!!!! He is GOOD!! My thoughts and feelings that waver on that because of emotional pain and hurts i have had i wish would be forever resolved. God is good even if He slay me, which one day will happen. help me to be at peace as You give it to me with that God.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Abuse Has Long Tentacles

There was a girl born shortly after the Great Depression. Born in a small town in northern california. Small,dusty,not a lot of industry, but maybe around same amount of bars as churches. Farming was a mainstay, and she belonged to a dairyfarming family. Her mother was an odd mix. Loved to travel and se the world but also shy and reclusive. She did not think motherhood was high on her list, so she chose to have the girl raised by her aunt and uncle. Her mother was absent far more than present, a tentacle of emotional abuse. Her aunt and uncle were quiet,hardworking,serious folks, no real displays of affection, either physically or verbally. They moved quite a bit, from lil town to lil town, the girl learned that friendships were hard because once she made one, inevitably they would move.

It began quietly, as she was alone in her room. He would come in,call her sweet ames and make her laugh and feel cared for. He began the touching and fondling. Something in her told her it was not right, but he was her uncle, acting as her father, for her biological father had been an alcoholic who never really embraced his daughter, and he died a few years after her birth. Her uncle made her feel good,womanly.attractive and loved. He never displayed affection any other time or any other way.The girl thought her aunt must have known what had been going on, but she feigned ignorance. Better to keep skeletons locked in the closet than worry about them rattling around causing problems.

The girl grew up, she learned to rely on her intellect and inner strength. She hardly ever got sick, not even colds. Showing affection was quite hard for her, as she was both neglected and recieved it in a dysfunctional way. Abuse tentacles are long and stretch across decades. She entered nursing school and joined the military as an RN 2nd Ltnt. She met a man there, fell in love and married, even having her first child on base. The abuse did not prevent her from finding love and making a family of her own. Its tentacles can be overcome.

Her man died about 9 years after their marriage. She did not marry again. Various reasons of why. Certainly feelings of abandonment,loss,a whole host of emotions swirling inside, and she had the pain of lielong emotional and physical abuse inside,fighting her in the decisions she had to make as to living life. A widow, 2 lil kids. Resilience,determination,faith and hope and love drove her as she carried on her life. The tentacles always lurked in the shadows, would they reach even to her children???

Monday, February 08, 2010

Complete Fulfillment

Jesus last words before He died on the cross were, *it is finished* A lot of conjecture can go into the exact meaning of those words. Many know of Josephus, a jewish historian who lived in the time of Jesus and recorded some wonderful writings of his time. AD 70 is a very important date in history. It was the siege by Rome upon jerusalem and the absolute destruction of the temple. Many believe this was the fulfillment of Jesus prophecy where He said He would come again and that judgment would happen upon this generation of the jews. Very controversial to many because the majority theological/eschatological viewpoint has been premillennial dispensationalism for quite some time. Look at Matthew 24 and the Olivet Discourse though. Read the time statements Jesus used, as well as Paul, John, Mark,Luke and Peter. All refer to a short time span, soon,shortly,near at hand and so on. Jesus said there were some who would not see death till His Words had come to pass. I doubt anyone in the 1st century is still living somewhere now Hmmmmm.

You can google preterism, past fulfillment,realized eschatology,covenantal theology to read more on this viewpoint. Also, love to have more of you stop by http://www.talkgrace.com and see the many conversations going on over there. Hope this spurs your interest to know more.

Sunday, February 07, 2010


Life sure has a lot to it doesn't it??? So many things that call our attention. Bible says to *be still and know I AM God* There is so much emphasis on how we think, the renewal of our mind. Praying without ceasing. I think females have an easier time with focus, after all males are supposed to think about sex every 8 seconds or so LOL

Jesus fulfilled the Law and gives us access to God directly. He died for us while we were yet sinners. He turned all over to disobedience so that He might have mercy on ALL. Romans 11 there. Why is it calvinists/reformed believe that there are a special electthat are the only ones who Jesus saved??? This will be discussed ad nauseum i'm sure but i still cringe to think a God who defines Himself as love would create a humaity who would end up mostly all being banished from Him to suffer in eternal flame??? A lil schizophrenic there imho.

Does Jesus need anything from us to save us??? Doesn't repentance come AFTER we realize what He has done??? Even so we all still sin so??? Does Jesus require our obedient performance in order to save us??? Take a peek at Kingdom Grace for a post exploring this. What do you think though??

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Not Me- WE

Muhammad Ali said this in a speech he gave in Africa awhile ago. I think it may have been all he said. It was more than enough. Western culture has been so much about me. Self- improvement, self-actualization,self-image, on and on. Jesus spoke to crowds as well as the 12. He spoke to communities. I think we miss the boat alot here in the USA as far as that goes, although we do get it sometimes as well. We know how to come together and energize as one when crisis hits. In the normal humdrum though, are we in a default position of our minds to have an individualistic response to what goes on in life??? While we are in a worship service do we seek a *personal time with God*??? Arent we told Jesus wants us to have a personal relationship with Him??? Maybe just maybe Jesus meant for us to have a community relationship with Him. The Church is PEOPLE not an individual. Preaching to the choir here, just thoughts stimulated by a few posts on a blog i suggest all who read this go read.

Kathyescobar.com. She just got back from Africa. Everyone who journeys there has their world rocked, especially coming from living here in the USA. Kathy has very compelling things to say about church,community, the 99 vs the 1. Go there and read her posts. kathyescobar.com

http://www.kathyescobar.com Love to hear what you think!!!