Die To Live
Without death there can be no resurrection. Death happens so life can be brought forth right???? The only miracle that truly separates Jesus from all others of any kind of claim to Deity is His resurrection from death!!!! Death is called the enemy from the very beginning, sin is what caused death and sin resulted in separation, shame and guilt. Death was never meant to be welcomed, it robs us of loved ones and of our own existence. No wonder it is so often ignored as far as any discussion goes. Jesus overcomes death and makes it a nonissue. This is the heart of the Gospel and Gods character being Love as He made Himself die for all of us so he could rescue us from ourselves.
I know this to be true and always rely on it deeply and ultimately. I have the hardship of experiencing it in a practical sense as i have spoken of. I was drawn by a post i saw on another blog, where she spoke of her own struggle to take in the truth of God being Love. I have been one to hold things inside always. I always wanted to avoid causing worry or trouble for anyone by letting my *stuff* out. I think I became a good actor because of this way of handling stress and problems. problem is instead of a safe harbor it becomes a self-imposed prison where you hide yourself and feel unable to face true reality. This may be why as i posed the question in a rhetorical fashion that I don't *get it* as far as overcoming fear and death. I had thoughts come to mind of why death felt scary to me,why all the images of it were ones of pain loss and hurt. Part of that is losing my father. Part also is just selfcenteredness focused on deaths impact upon me as opposed to Gods having taken carfe of it. Somehow at my deepest level a message of God expecting certain behavior and action took hold and has stayed inside despite my knowledge having become so acute.
Life is a battle of the Spirit vs the flesh. Being able to forgive ourselves is equally as important as forgiving our neighbors. I have always found this very hard. For some reason I have kept this unspoken rule inside that i cannot get off easy but part of me rebels against that thinking and thus the circle of feeling afraid of some form of severe suffering, then saying its ok i am human then back to the yes but i should be stronger and on and on. How to relax and rest in His love and grace when I have focus on myself so much??? Nothing i ever do can make God love me any more or any less but I took in a message that says God will punish if your bad like santa saying you better not cry better not pout be a good boy always if you want santa to give you presents. Only with God the presents are His peace love and joy that stay inside More soon!!!