Thankfully my gout is alot better now after 4 days. There is something humbling about not being able to take a single step without wincing from the pain. Plus many times I either crawled to move from my recliner back to my bed and vice-versa, as well as hopped on one foot, quite a sight lol. Thank you God for percocet!!!! Drink water, that is my mantra forever now!!!
I just discovered a new blog called *im a crappy christian* and it is quite a great read. Karl is the authors name and he has quite a wide range of stories to tell in a life of being very deeply involved in the Church and seeking to do his best at being a good christian. I have read a few of his posts and they reminded me of my experiences in Bible College and Seminary to an extent. I am very thankful that the Bible College I attended also allowed students from Cal State Fullerton, the university next door, to live in our dorms. I had an atheist roommate for 2 years and it was one of the best times I have had!!!
All kinds of different people went to Bible College, wide range of backgrounds and personalities. Thinking back I do recall that those with the most extroverted and charismatic personalities most often took the forefront in preaching,leadership and worship leading. Part of this makes sense to an extent due to the very nature of these positions, however God can and has used people with introverted and laidback personalities in all kinds of ways, the Bible clearly shows that. I remember a meeting I had with my sr minister at my church when I was preparing to go to Bible College after jr college. He told me they were looking for bold,outgoing, highly extroverted types to be ministers. I of course was shy,intoverted and not very bold. I listened and thanked him for his counsel and inwardly left wondering just what I was going to do since I had made this commitment and thought it was a decision God was in favor of????
Having it all together, being bold and outgoing in showing and sharing your faith, evanglizing anyone anytime, having a life that showed to anyone who saw you that Jesus made a dramtic difference..... these were always underlying themes and attitudes within the environment at Bible College. I so enjoyed having my roommate because he didn't care about any of the *expectations* We played basketball alot, we listened to music and went swimming in the pool,(southern california so the school had a pool) . We hung out and just talked alot. Sometimes we would talk about spiritual things. He knew my beliefs and so there was no hidden agenda. He shared why he chose not to believe, i accepted his choices and shared some of why I made different ones and also was open in telling him I prayed for him and that I was glad he was my friend. I heard about encounters he had with other people who tried to forcefully evanglize him or who related to him as a project and not a person. I wish i knew whatever happened to him.
I use this blog as a way to share myself. To explore thoughts and feelings, to wonder about ways i have changed as well as ways I still need to change. I cherish the feedback and response of anyone who stops by and reads. My title of this post reflects on a truth that I struggle with at times. So many times i have heard professors, ministers, missionaries and such repeat again and again that your life as a christian should reflect and show that you have a life of victory and joy, a life that anyone and everyone would and should want!!! They say this because as a christian your life belongs to Jesus and if its not a shining beacon of victorious living well then how do you expect Jesus and God to feel about that??? How can you expect anyone to want what your supposed to have??/
I heard these statements, as well as what was the undertone of them, and always felt a deep uneasiness. I was a believer and fully committed,but i still had many problems and areas of struggle. I did experience so much peace, love,joy and much more from turning to Jesus but i still had many times where i was unsure,depressed,worried and countless other things. If I were to relate to a nonchristian and reveal my weknesses and struggles I still had would that be doing damage to what a real good strong christian should be???
You see the ramifications here. Jesus does not demand we be perfect and all straightend out before He wants us. He wants us as we are, however dirty,messy and whatever else we may be. Then He works with us to make us like Him, which is One who loved unlike any other. One who was a true servant, One who cared for those who were castoffs and ignored by most, even religious circles. One who treated people with grace and forgiveness and love.
Hmmmm I wonder where the ideas of being a *victorious christian* come from??? Seems like Jesus sees victory by admitting weakness and flaws and allowing transformation to take place day by day. Seems like His way is what always allows for freedom,authenticity and growth, no matter how many times you fall down and need to get back up. Maybe just maybe this realization of grace will impact me upon how i treat myself more and more and am so overwhelmed at the ways i recieve it from so many others!!!!